


understanding

by duckiesandlemons



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slow Burn, kiiind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7073422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckiesandlemons/pseuds/duckiesandlemons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even though the words weren't told to him, Shiro reaches a conclusion that's been a long time coming.  War isn't the best catalyst for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	understanding

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the same AU as my previous story [Rest](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6761977)
> 
> Also written for ShiroSieg Week 2016 for Day 2 Desperation/Maturity. Though it was written with desperation in mind more than Maturity. Maturity for realizing, maybe??? This is unedited and still incredibly messy.

“I don’t get it.”

It’s the first time Mitama doesn’t speak in formal tongue or in haiku, the first time she sounds like the young girl she should have been.  It makes Shiro pause in the middle of sharpening the blade of his spear.

“Don’t get what?” he hazards.  For as long as Mitama has been his retainer he realizes that he doesn’t know much about what ails her.  What she thinks, what she likes past lazing around and composing poetry, she’s not as easy to read as Asugi.  She’s probably the opposite, Shiro ponders.

“Our Nohrian allies, the ones who shouldn’t be here but are,” Mitama sighs.  Shiro just watches Mitama drop her head against her knees.  “Soleil would not be in the medical tent if she just did what fate had ordained for her,” Mitama’s voice is bitter.  “If she had simply stayed where she had been...no, but this is exactly what fate had planned for her--she follows Prince Siegbert.”

“...first time I'm hearing you actually be worried about someone.”

“And you’re not the same, Shiro?”

He’s the same.  Shiro is definitely the same, and he can understand the horror that Mitama must have felt when Soleil screamed out in pain.  The spear master had come out of nowhere, intent on cutting Mitama down, but Soleil--

“I went to visit her,” Mitama continues.  “That foolish girl, she was still smiling and laughing despite the blood and bandages.  She admitted to being scared, I told her to leave me to my own faults--”

Shiro places his spear down to look at Mitama more fully.  Besides, how rare is it to see her show concern for someone else?  How rare is it that one of his retainers, one who barely opened up about herself, did so now?  As future king, as her  _friend_ , Shiro needs to listen.

He needs to listen because Mitama had once again been dragged into war without her even being allowed to say no.

(But Mitama had said yes to being his retainer, and she followed)

“Did she say something?” he asks.  “Sounds like she did.”

Mitama sighs, “She told me ‘But I hate seeing the one I love hurt when I can do something about it.’”

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Shiro doesn’t know why, but Mitama’s words end up sticking in his head.

*****

 _I hate seeing the one I love hurt when I can do something_.

Shiro rolls the words over and over in his head, sounding out each one syllable by syllable.  It’s romantic, cheesy, and certainly it hadn’t been said to him.  Yet, he couldn’t help but apply it to everything that Siegbert’s done up until now.  Friends, they’re friends, and Siegbert had come from a strong sense of camaraderie over anything else.  

 _Brother in arms_ , Shiro reminds himself.

 _Love_.

...Well, Shiro won’t think on it for now.

“Ah, Shiro!”

“Hey, Shiro!”

He looks up to see Midori and Kana approaching him.  The two siblings were holding hands, a basket full of herbs in Midori’s and a bouquet of flowers in Kana’s.  “Hey guys, sorry I haven’t really been around to talk much, everything’s been hectic!” what with the war, with fighting on the front lines almost day after day, and Shiro’s own avoidance.

Pride, he remembers.  Midori didn’t have to come, Kana didn’t have to drag the small mercenary group he formed into this war.  Much like how Siegbert didn’t have to come, how Soleil and Ignatius didn’t have to follow (and now Soleil is in the medical tent).

With all these years, though, Shiro’s noticing how they’ve changed.  Kana is taller now, green hair no longer as wild and instead longer, straighter--more reminiscent of his father.  Likewise, Midori’s white hair is no longer in her trademark pigtails.  Shiro notes that she’s instead opted to keep it pinned back, a simple ponytail trailing behind her.

Shiro remembers how Siegbert stood taller in the medical tent, remembers the strength of his muscles when he had pulled Shiro to safety.

“It’s okay!” Midori chirps, interrupting his thoughts.  “We’re glad to see you, though!  Oh, how was the salve I made?  I noticed that your burns are gone!”

“Worked wonders!” Shiro grins.  “Where you guys going, anyways?”

“Oh, we’re going to visit Soleil,” Kana answers.  “We found a meadow nearby chock full of herbs and pretty flowers!”

“Guess you could say my keen herb gathering senses are still top notch!” Midori follows it up with a wink.  "I'm gonna make her some quality medicine so she can recover faster!"

At least that hasn’t changed.  Shiro’s thankful about that.  He...he wouldn’t know what to do if things had changed too much since he last saw them.  He needs to be a better friend, but--

“Hey, Shiro!” Asugi’s voice interrupts them.  “We’re getting ready to attack as planned!  You’re leading the offensive!”

“...damn, look, we’ll talk later, okay!” Shiro turns to start getting ready.

“Wait, wait!  Shiro!”

“Talk to you later Midori, Kana!”

*****

When Shiro sees Siegbert already with the main attack force, he feels dread pool in his gut.  It mixes with anger, an irrational anger that bubbles up, and Shiro stalks through his assembled men to confront Siegbert.  

Siegbert, who is carrying himself taller, hands clasped behind his back, is talking with Ignatius and Sophie.  Not too far from them are Asugi and Mitama, talking in hushed whispers to themselves.

Asugi and Mitama, Shiro can understand, they’re his retainers.

The others--

 _They never should have gotten dragged into this_.

“Siegbert!” Shiro’s voice is loud, and the other hears him.

“Shiro,” he’s answered in kind.  Siegbert’s eyes narrow, already knowing what Shiro’s approaching him for.  And it’s always like that--always.  

“I’ll be leading a small force in an ambush,” Siegbert explains.  “We’re going to burn their supplies.”

“No, you can’t,” Shiro says.  “Not alone, I’ll go with--”

“Your absence will cause suspicion.”

“I didn’t want you here,” Shiro knows there’s no winning when Siegbert makes up his mind like this.  He knows there’s no winning when everyone has come to help him, one by one.  First Asugi and Mitama, his loyal retainers.  Then Caeldori and Rhajat, followed by Kiragi and Hisame and Selkie--all of them had joined the fight with him.

Siegbert came with Soleil and Ignatius, and then came Dwyer, Kana, Midori, Sophie, and Percy.

Shiro wishes they were all reunited under different circumstances.

“...come back alive, and make sure to wreck them good.”

Siegbert smiles, “Of course.”

*****

Their attack is a success.  The minute that word reached the enemy that their supply train was in shambles they had retreated.  Better to salvage what they can then continue fighting, especially when Shiro’s own group is tearing into them.  At some point in the battle Caeldori had flown in, Kiragi leaping from the back of her pegasus, and from there it was a turning point.

“Aw, man, you shoulda seen their faces when me and Caeldori arrived they were like ‘ _Woaaaah!_ ’ and she was just ‘ _Hiyaaah!_ ’” Kiragi is already lost in retelling the story to an enraptured Kana, Caeldori looking embarrassed as he sang her praises.  Kana’s listening intently, nodding along and cheering, and at some point Percy had joined in as well.

Shiro remembers that Caeldori once asked Percy to teach her and her unit Nohrian air tactics.  It seems they finally came in handy.

“We should celebrate!” Kiragi says, turning to face Shiro.  “What do you say, Shiro?  Me and you can go hunting for something?”

“Sounds like it’d be good!” Shiro grins.  Even in the stress of war, there should be something.  This victory is a good morale booster, and Shiro hates to admit it but Siegbert being there helped a lot.

“Awesome!  Let’s go now--”

“Shiro,” Siegbert’s voice is barely heard over Kiragi’s excited chattering.

“Yeah?  What’s up?  Gonna say that we shouldn’t rest on our laurels like this?” Shiro intends for it to come out as a joke, but the edge in his words doesn’t exactly leave.  Siegbert chuckles, though.

“Usually...yes,” he smiles, soft.  “You know me well, even after all this time.”

Shiro’s cheeks flush, “Y-yeah, well, you _are_ my best friend.  You’re really the only one who gets me too, y’know.”

This is what he wanted to avoid, though.  This attachment, this reliance on Siegbert for support, it won’t really...it can’t…

But what’s the harm in asking for help?

“Sorry for trying to chase you away,” Shiro ends up saying.  It takes a bit for him to get it out, far too longer than he’d like.

“It’s alright,” Siegbert places a hand on his shoulder.  “I’m sure I would’ve done the same...but do know I care for you, far too much to leave you to face this alone.”

Shiro’s left speechless, and that same line Soleil told Mitama runs through his head again.

*****

Shiro goes to visit Soleil to see if she’s better and if she’s fit for fighting again.

He opens the tent flap, ready to say hello, but pauses.  Soleil is sitting up, fully better, but she’s talking with Mitama.  They’re both whispering, words between them that Shiro can only guess at.  Soleil has a hand on Mitama’s face, thumb rubbing at her cheek, and Shiro realizes everything.

He steps out quickly.

 _Love_.

Is that what it is?  

No, no, that’s jumping to conclusions.  What he and Siegbert have is different, just a bit different.  Love can mean anything, and while in Soleil and Mitama’s case it means _romance_ , then in his and Siegbert’s case it’s friendship.

_Familial._

“Oh, were you thinking of visiting Soleil as well?” and of course Siegbert appears.  Shiro rubs the back of his head.

“Kind of, yeah, but I think it’s best to let her rest...Mitama’s with her.”

“I see.  Perhaps Mitama would like help then--”

“No!  No...uh...sorry, they’re having a moment.”

“A moment?” realization dawns on Siegbert’s face.  His eyes widen, the tips of his ears turning red, and distantly Shiro thinks “ _cute_.”

(He pushes the thought away)

“Yeah.”

But Siegbert smiles at Shiro, “Thank you for telling me.  I wouldn’t want to ruin what Soleil’s trying to forge.”

The kindness Siegbert shows makes Shiro’s heart throb.  The very thing he didn’t want to get attached to once again rears its head.  The support that Siegbert offers--unconditional, unwavering--is something he doesn’t deserve.

Siegbert doesn’t deserve a friend who turns his spear on his own countrymen.

*****

It’s late at night that Shiro, wedged between a sleeping Kana and Asugi around the fire, realizes the change the war has had on him.

He realizes the gravity of what he’s done, the sacrifices, his own selfishness.

 _Always his own selfishness_.

“Here…” Rhajat’s showing Siegbert something, and Dwyer is tidying up around where Kiragi and Midori have fallen asleep.

“Oh...what type of spell is this?”

“A divination spell...it’s basic, but I thought that maybe learning something not...dark magic related...might help.”

“To read how the battle may go?”

“Exactly...childish...but it works...Oh, you should be careful in the near future.”

Shiro lifts his head up to listen better, but Rhajat’s face looks grim.  Her lips are pursed, eyes narrowed, and Shiro wants to press.

The thought of Siegbert in danger settles uneasily in his gut.

*****

An ambush for an ambush, Shiro thinks as he blocks the blade of a samurai.  There’s chaos in the small village that they had stopped to restock on supplies, buildings burning, and Shiro tries to keep track of everyone.

Midori’s back to back with Asugi, the two working together to try and repel the enemy invaders.  Above, he hears Ace’s roars and the whinny of pegasi, and behind he feels the burn of Rhajat’s magic mixing with Kana’s.

Everything’s starting to blend in and mix, he’s going through motions more than anything.  Block, parry, dodge, strike, all the way down to lather, rinse, and repeat.  He feels blood on his body, and perhaps it’s like before when he’s so determined he pushes through.  No matter what magic hits him, no matter how many shurikens and arrows he takes, Shiro keeps pushing--

Pushing--

“ _Lord Siegbert!_ ” Ignatius’ roar makes the battlefield rumble.

Shiro looks up after he fells the soldier he’s facing, turning to see what’s happened.  Ignatius is penned in, fending off enemy soldiers that had ganged up on him, but his eyes are staring in horror further ahead.  Likewise, Soleil had been separated as well, struggling to push through to reach her lord.

The enemy had been smart, they had _planned_ a strategy against Siegbert and his retainers to pull them apart.

It’s all slow motion, Siegbert’s horse rearing back, Siegbert’s face of surprise as he goes falling, and Shiro pushes forward.  Panic and fear lance through him, make his blood run hot and pump fast through his body.

“ _Siegbert!_ ”

Shiro doesn’t think he’ll make it in time.  He’s moving as fast as he can, cutting down those who try to interfere.  He feels the hot sparks of magic slamming into him, feels the cuts, the stings, but all he focuses on is how Siegbert falls, how that spear fighter spears him through the shoulder _only_ because Siegbert tries to escape before it can land somewhere worse.

“ _You!  Stay away!_ ”

Shiro sees red.

*****

“Ha!  If the chosen heroine and her dear lord not appeared, then your situation would have been much worse!”

“Yeah, yeah, like you did much.  Lord Forrest really did all the work.”

“Come now, you two, it was a combined effort.”

Shiro doesn’t really register the voices of the newcomers.  He knows it’s Forrest and his retainers, he knows it’s Ophelia and Nina with him.  They’re like the others, following their lord as he comes to help his cousin.  Shiro wonders if this is all the aid Nohr can give, or if they came on their own, but right now he’s got other things to worry about.

Like the fact he’s in the medical tent again, staring up at the canvas ceiling held up by flimsy looking poles.

Next to him lies Siegbert, still asleep and bandaged up.  

Shiro made too many mistakes, he should have trusted Siegbert to take care of himself or...or...no, the situation would have been bad.

“Oh, good morning, Prince Shiro,” Forrest walks in, soft smile on his face.  His hair hasn’t been done yet, the elegant locks falling in loose waves over his shoulder.  A testament to how worried he really is, despite the calm facade he’s wearing.

“Hey, glad for you to come,” Shiro greets.  “Though you all didn’t have to.  The other side isn’t going to look too kindly on Nohrians with us.  ‘S why they rebelled, after all.”

“We’re but a tiny fraction of this army, just a few,” Forrest says.  “...but thank you, Shiro, for saving my cousin.  You actually had the worst injuries in the end.”

“I wasn’t stabbed through the shoulder.”

“Nohrian armor is tougher than it looks.”

Forrest is already moving to check on their injuries, patiently waiting for Shiro to move so he can change the bandages.  “But it was reckless,” Forrest continues.  “Siegbert looked so livid, though it was ruined by how hard he was crying.”

“Really?” Shiro looks over at Siegbert’s sleeping form.  Hard to imagine Siegbert, proud Prince Siegbert, crying, and over him no less.

“He said that you were hot headed, yes, but not to this extent, that you usually had better battle sense.”

“I do--ow, ow--”

“Sorry,” Forrest backs off some.  

“I do,” Shiro continues.  “Just…”

Shiro thinks about Soleil’s words, thinks about his relationship with Siegbert, thinks about why he’s so attached, why he grew so mad.  The realization is a bitter pill, almost, if not tempered by a soft sweetness--a fondness, perhaps?  But it’s enough to make Shiro grin, wryly, because of course it would be like that, wouldn’t it?

“I mean...wouldn’t you do anything you could if the person you love is in danger?”

Forrest doesn’t answer.

The silence is really all Shiro needs.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a twitter for general yelling about things located [here](https://twitter.com/ducksandlemons)
> 
> My generic fire emblem twitter where I sometimes yell about fire emblem is [here](https://twitter.com/ryoumander)


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